_edited.png)
The act of being not just living but being and feeling alive, believing in yourself and
being your highest self.
By Shannon Ortiz
What exactly does it mean to be living? Now, we could get technical and pull out our dictionaries but let's be honest. Living is one thing and actually feeling alive is another, but it’s all about perception and mindset right? How you view yourself is no different than how you view life.
Being alive is much more than the physical aspect of it, to me that is the bare minimum. You need your heartbeat to physically live, you need to be breathing to be alive. You could have both and still feel dead inside. [Disclosure, I promise this article will get happy and bubbly, but what’s a rainbow without the storm that occurs right before?]
I had to hit rock bottom to realize that I was not living, I was getting by. I was scraping up each broken piece of me day to day just to see another morning. My life was not miserable, I did have my happy days and was very blessed in many aspects. I tried to never take things for granted and be the best version of myself for others. Stop, did you catch that? For “others”, I was not being the best version of myself for me. I was built around the happiness and needs of others, I gave and gave until I had nothing else to give. I had no boundaries, I had no sense of urgency to care for me. I put myself on the back burner because I genuinely felt like that was the best move to make in order to care for the ones around me that I loved. Now, the question is.. who ever said that you had to choose? Why did I feel the need to not take my own wants and needs into consideration?
It wasn’t until I fell into depression and was in the midst of overcoming that storm in my life that I realized that it was time to put myself first. How can I be the version of myself for others if I cannot even be the best version of myself for me? I didn’t come to terms with this until I turned thirty, most people think they need to have their lives figured out in their twenties, or perhaps it is society that makes us feel that way. Well guess what, I am now thirty one and living my best life. Is my life perfect? Absolutely not. Do I have good days? Definitely. Do I have bad days? Of course. Because I am human. I have learned to balance my life, wants and needs in a way that best fits me. I am more inspired and motivated now than I have ever been, but I also allow myself breaks when I feel that I need them and I no longer feel an ounce of guilt for doing so. You see, before I set these unrealistic expectations for myself that just were not healthy. Balance is truly the key, be passionate, be hardworking, but also let yourself be human, because that you are. A beautiful one if I must say.
Okay, let's try something. Envision yourself one year from now, five years from now and ten years from now. Who is it that you see or want to see? When I was at my absolute worst, I told myself one day that I no longer wanted to feel that way or be the person that I was at that moment. I asked myself those same questions that I just asked you & I transformed myself into that woman. Transformations do not happen overnight and I am sure that we have all realized that by now, but a little bit of dedicated effort every day can go a long way.
It was time to shift my mind frame, stop the self victimization and pity. I was no longer broken, I was resilient. I was no longer hurt, I was strong. I was no longer depressed, I was human. The ups and downs of life are normal, it is how we take them and use them to move forward and build ourselves up that matters.
The next part of my transformation was taking the steps to become the woman that not only I wanted to be, but knew I could be. I couldn’t really expect others to view me as this woman if deep down I didn’t even view myself that way. I started with baby steps, such as journaling and daily self care routines that I felt made me feel better on a day to day basis. I focused on my emotional and mental health as I felt those were the areas that needed the most attention. My wellness was suddenly becoming important to me, I craved peace and clarity and writing helped me do that. Soon I found myself building the confidence that I never had, I did things that I wanted to do, even if it meant doing them by myself. I started to go on more adventures because that is where I found myself the most at peace. Those ocean breezes and mountain winds were magical. I made it a monthly ritual to treat myself to those experiences because I very much deserved them. Soon I found myself driving hours just to catch an ocean sunset, and it was the best thing I could’ve ever done for myself. Having the confidence to enjoy the little and big things in life by myself was a game changer. I owed it to the woman that I didn’t know I had in me.
If there's one thing that I learned in 2021 it was to never postpone enjoyment, and when I say this I am referring to the type of enjoyment that fuels your mind and soul. Take that trip, go on that hike, treat yourself to that dinner & be your best self. I mean what is the point of hard work if you don’t celebrate yourself along the way. Speaking of celebrations, I’ve realized that celebrating all of your small wins is just as important as celebrating your big wins. Celebrate each step of the way and pat yourself on the back for it, you go girl. You - are - a - QUEEN!
You envisioned yourself, and the life that you wanted, now go get it. Walk with confidence, speak with confidence, know your value and your worth. Do not downplay yourself for the sake of others, those who value your worth would not allow you to do so. Ouch. Yeah, it’s okay it took me a while to realize that as well and when I say a while I mean thirty years but hey lets focus on where we are now! Haha, back to boss lady talk.
Transforming has taught me the effectiveness and need for boundaries, surrounding yourself with people and auras that serve your emotional self in the most purposeful way. Our bodies and minds literally feed off of the aura around us, that is why the energy we surround ourselves with is so important. It is okay to be selfish with yourself, it is okay to tell people no if it will negatively affect you, it is okay to put yourself first. Protecting your mental and emotional health is just as important as taking those daily vitamins to help your physical health.
Now that I was mentally and emotionally as solid as a rock, it was time to step into the life that I craved for. I had the confidence and mindset to put in the work. Day in and day out I kept in mind the woman that I envisioned a year from now. Guess what, you are hearing from her right now. This is not the woman that was seeing that vision, this is the woman from that vision. I have equipped myself with all of the tools to live the life that I want to live. To reach that level of success that I have always craved and the woman who now honors her self worth. I am a queen. You are a queen. That crown belongs to you, own it.
About the Author
I am a mother of two on an everlasting growth path. I believe we are constantly learning in life and evolving into greater versions of ourselves. My children, faith and my passion for writing along with all things creative have helped guide me through my journey.
Comments